What To Say In An Opening Message On A Dating Site

So you did it—you downloaded a few dating apps. You’re single and ready to mingle, or swipe, as it were. It seems like the matches are pouring in, but then you’re left with a feeling of intimidation. What should you say? Who should you reach out to? Who is worth your time? It can be intimidating. What to say? What to do? We can help.

There are so many ways to strike up a conversation with someone. Dating apps can make it seem both harder and easier to start a conversation like that. It’s hard to reach out to someone knowing you’re both potentially attracted to each other, but the important thing is to remember that you should be yourself, be genuine, and not be creepy. Don’t ask for too much identifying information or too many personal questions, especially if you’re a man speaking to a woman.

Best Dating Sites article: What should I say in an online dating site first message to break the ice? Read Her Dating Profile. When you read a woman's dating profile and comment on it, you show you're actually interested in getting to know her. Most guys comment on photos or use a lame opening message like 'Hey' which shows a complete lack of effort. Jess Carbino, Tinder's sociologist, shared that '7 in 10 Tinder women want. When in doubt, gifs can make great opening lines on dating sites and apps. Line #10: “So I guess this means we’re exclusive now, right?;)” This is a great way to flirt and be playful in your opener. Line #11: “Anchorman was a great one — a classic, really. So what do we think about the sequel?

Here are some stellar opening lines and strategies to start a conversation on a dating app.

Use references from pop culture

1. How you doin’? (Everyone loves a Friends reference.)
2. What’s your favorite television show and why is it The Good Place? (Can be adjusted for your own favorite show.)
3. What movie character do you most relate to?
4. What was your favorite movie growing up?
5. What’s the first movie you saw in the theater?
6. Do you remember the first rated R movie you saw?
7. What was your most recent Netflix binge?
8. What’s your favorite comfort film?
9. Did you watch [the Oscars/Grammys/most recent award show]?
10. What’s the last movie that really made you cry?

Use bits from their own profile

11. What made you get into your current career?
12. It seems like you love the outdoors. What’s your favorite local hike?
13. I love the restaurant you work at! How long have you been serving?
14. What’s the most fulfilling part of being a teacher?
15. Did you always know you wanted to be a doctor?
16. It seems like you travel a lot, any trips on the docket?

Talk about your shared city

17. Did you grow up in Seattle?
18. As a fellow Chicagoan, I have to ask… which pizza place are you most loyal to?
19. Did you also go to Name of Your High School?
20. Since I’m new to the city, do you mind telling me your favorite ice-cream shop?
21. What’s your favorite part of living in Nashville?
22. Crazy weather we’ve been having lately, do you enjoy the snow?

Just be direct

23. Do you prefer to chat for a bit on the app or do you want to get a drink and get to know each other the old-fashioned way?
24. Do you mind if I ask you what you’re looking for on this app?
25. Are you interested in meeting up for dinner this week?

Whether you go funny, lighthearted, genuine, or simple, you’ll make the right decision. Mix it up depending on the person you’re talking to and remember to let the conversation flow as naturally as possible. You can do it!

What To Say In An Opening Message On A Dating Site Crossword Clue

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Great question, Tony! You’re right about the two steps that make a great first message:

1) finding common ground with a girl, then
2) starting a conversation about it.

The key – and the best way to start a conversation – is to ask a question.

Girls love when you ask us questions. It’s flattering that you care what we think, and we like talking about ourselves.

But it can also be more complicated than that. Online dating is a little like gaming. Writing a message and getting a girl to reply is the final battle with the boss. In order to win, you’ll need all the knowledge, strength, and skill you’ve acquired so far.

But you also have one big advantage.

I’ll tell you what a girl’s biggest weakness is. We want you to win the battle.

That’s why we’re here, online dating. Girls get so many bad first messages, we’re dying to get a message so good it knocks us over.

Here’s how to level up with your first message:

What To Say In An Opening Message On A Dating Site Crossword Clue

1. Focus on quality, not quantity.

Unfortunately, many guys try to message a bunch of girls, instead of just the ones who are the best matches. They don’t take time to write good messages. They’d rather write a lot of messages – and take any response they can get, whether or not the girl is a good fit for him.

Girls see through this. We get so many of those lazy mass-messages that we just ignore them.

If you spend a little more time messaging girls who are a good match for you, you’ll probably find it’s much more productive. Look for girls with common interests, shared beliefs, and similar goals. Those girls are much more likely to respond to you because you are a good fit.

And a girl like that will appreciate that you took the time to read her profile, notice what you have in common, and ask her questions about those things, creating a solid connection.

2. Compliment common interests and personality – not looks.

Girls are tired of getting messages from guys who compliment our looks, but have nothing to say about the rest of our profiles. Those messages are shallow and meaningless – the online equivalent of getting dry-humped by douche bags in a club.

Sample Of Opening Remarks

You’re not one of those guys, and you have to show us that.

The best first messages show us that you’re interested in who we are – not what we look like.

Like this first message example:

This is a great message for three reasons:

1) Miles leads with a compliment to my personality, rather than my face. This makes me open to what he’ll say next, because he’s showing me he’s different than those other guys.

2) He asks me a question based on a specific detail in my profile, and follows up with another broader question (bonus!). This is excellent because Miles:

a) proves he read my profile,
b) starts a conversation about stuff we share in common,
c) reinforces further that he’s interested in my thoughts, not just my looks, by asking more about the stuff I’m interested in.

3) Miles shows some of his own personality by asking about my fixer-upper house. I can tell he’s excited about the same stuff I am, which makes me excited to talk to him.

This is fuckin’ gold, Miles!

3. Start a conversation.

This might seem obvious to you and Miles, but so many guys don’t know HOW to do this! They ask really general questions, like, “How’s your weekend going?” or “What’s up?”

These messages are the worst.

While “How are you?” is a question, it doesn’t actually start a conversation. I can reply, “Good. How are you?” but then we’re back where we started. Pointless. I never reply to these messages because they bug the shit out of me.

If you read a girl’s profile and can’t think of a question to ask her based on the information there, don’t message her at all.

A great first message jumps past pointless questions and right into specific questions. The best questions you can ask have “long-game.” That’s why it works so well to ask a girl about something you have in common. When you bring up a topic you both like, you’ll both have lots to say about it, which paves the way for a longer conversation.

For example: say you and a girl are both snowboarders. You could easily lead by asking her the question: “Where’s your favorite spot to snowboard around here?” After she answers that, you’re probably also interested in asking how long she’s been snowboarding, what gear she likes, and if she has any upcoming trips planned.

Because you opened with a topic she’s interested in, too, she’ll probably ask you those questions back – plus more of her own.

That’s a lot to talk about, and that’s long-game.

Opening Message Speech

To achieve this, you have to ask her questions. The questions are the gas. Making a statement, like, “I like snowboarding, too,” doesn’t move the conversation forward.

What To Say In An Opening Message On A Dating Site Crossword Puzzle

4. Keep it simple.

As a rule of thumb, ask one or two questions. Some guys make the mistake of firing off a long list of questions about a whole range of topics. This is overwhelming to girls. And it’s time-consuming to answer ten questions!

Stick with one or two low-pressure questions that make it easy for us to respond quickly because we’re interested. Online dating is awesome because a girl’s profile is one big list of conversation topics. Just pick one detail you think is cool, or you’re genuinely curious about, and ask her about it.

Sample Of Opening Message

Welcome Remarks

This guy does a nice job asking an easy question based on stuff we both like: